This is the final post of our September boundary series. I'm hoping you can now finally imagine living your life on YOUR terms. A balanced life whereby you dictate how and with whom you spend your time and resources.
As I close out this series, I want to ensure that you have the tools you need to set and stick to healthy boundaries -- the invisible lines you draw around yourself to protect you from being used and manipulated by others.
As we continue our personal boundaries series, imagine an invisible fence set around yourself, with a single gate that is shut and locked, and only you possess the key. How does that make you feel?
When you have healthy personal boundaries, you’ve established a space around yourself that YOU control. You've set limits that communicate to others how far they can go when interacting with you. You decide if and when to open the gate, and who you will allow in your personal space.
The problem with personal boundaries is that the world has a way of pushing against them. There will always be people who want more of your time, more of your energy, more of you. When you have set personal boundaries, thankfully, there are things you can do to guard and keep them strong.
Earlier this month, we began our series on boundaries. Perhaps you have personal boundaries, but they don’t seem to be working. Maybe you still feel that people are taking unfair advantage of you, and your self-esteem is taking a constant hit.
Chances are you need to take a serious look at your personal boundaries. It's possible that the ones that used to work don’t anymore because you aren’t the same person. Or it’s time for a tune-up, so that you not only strengthen your existing boundaries, but also make them healthier.
Here are some signs that indicate your boundaries need work:
Welcome to Week 2 of our September series on personal boundaries! This week, we're reviewing seven reasons why people fail to set boundaries.
You know you really need to establish boundaries, but you just can't seem to get there, (which is not as abnormal as you might think). Here are some reasons why we don't set boundaries:
For the Month of September, I've decided to focus on personal boundaries. You’ve probably heard the phrase before, but may not be sure what it means. Exactly what are personal boundaries, and what difference do they make in our lives?
To understand the importance of setting personal boundaries, you must first know what a boundary is:
bound·a·ry (noun) -- a dividing line that marks the limits of an area
Most boundaries, as the above graphic illustrates, are relatively easy to see. For example, yellow tape protecting crime scenes, fences, highway dividers, and white lines marking off parking spaces. A personal boundary does the same thing – only on a more invisible and internal level. Let's take a closer look.
What is a boundary?
Are you stuck in a rut? Not just a rut, but a completely furnished rut? It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be stuck, but to stay stuck is a problem.
If you're stuck and desperate to find a way out of your rut, I’d like to share with you a few strategies for getting unstuck and moving forward.
Identify root cause. Before you can find a solution for any problem, you must first identify its root cause. A simple way to do this is using the 5 Whys technique where you repeat the question Why? five times, and each answer forms the basis of the next question. This interrogative technique is used to explore the cause-effect relationship underlying the problem. Not all problems have a single root cause, so you would need to repeat this method using a different set of questions each time. Here's an example:
Problem – I got a speeding ticket.
Good Day Friends,
To increase self-awareness and inspire change, I often ask my clients “What are you tolerating?” Since we can’t lead others to places we haven’t been, we must be willing to confront our own demons. Therefore, after pondering this emotionally-charged question, I’m ready to admit that one of the things I’ve been tolerating for months is procrastination.
Time and again, I’ve promised myself that I would reignite my passion for reflective journaling to promote greater self-awareness and understanding. However, I have repeatedly broken this promise by using my demanding schedule as an excuse for not taking action. As a result, I’m feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and unfocused.
Now that I’ve come clean and shared with you one of my life’s major frustrations, I’m going to get personal and ask, “What are YOU tolerating?” ...